Please DO Bring on the Cheese Fondue
[ cheers and applause ]>>> excuse me, mr. president. i'm heading home for the night,can i get you anything? >> no, thank you, david.but hey, how do you like working at the white house?are your parents proud? >> i tell them i work atapplebee's. >> it's great.one more thing, you know i love my daughter ivanka and herhusband jared. they always keep me so calm andmake sure i don't do anything too crazy.>> that's true, sir.
>> quick question, are theygone? >> yes, they don't work onshabbat. >> perfect.when the jews are away, the goys will play.[ laughter ] so sent in steve bannon.[ creepy music playing ] [ cheers and applause ]>> hello, donald. i have arrived.>> steve, you look rested. >> thank you.>> not me, i've had a long day. i'm tired and cranky.and i feel like i could just
freak out on somebody.>> maybe you should call australia.>> really? i mean, i haven't been briefedor anything. but what could go wrong?let's do it. >> hello, prime ministerturnbull. >> yes, hello, it's the donald.>> president trump, how are you? i heard there's been a lot ofblowback over your muslim ban. >> no, there wasn't, everyoneloves it. [ laughter ]we had to do it because of that
huge massacre at bowling green.[ laughter ] >> never heard of that one.>> yeah, it was horrible. so many people died, butactually, they're the lucky ones.they don't have to see how bad "the apprentice" has gotten.[ laughter ] >> mr. trump, thank you forstill accepting our refugees. >> homie say what?>> president obama said america would accept 1,200 refugees.your country's compassion will not be forgotten.>> no, no refugees.
america first, australia sucks,your reef is failing, prepare to go to war.[ cheers and applause ] steve, i think that went bad.was that bad? >> no, it went just according toplan. >> whose plan?your plan? >> no, your plan.>> okay, good. let's call mexico.i figured out a smart diplomatic way to get them to pay for thewall. >> hola?president nieto?
>> guy who's going to pay forthe wall says what? >> que?>> guy who's going to pay for the wall says what?>> que? >> no, you have to say "what.">> ha ha ha, you said what, you're going to pay for thewall. >> no, you pay, loser, you bodhombre. here come our tanks, get readyto go to war. steve, i'm getting too workedup, maybe i should stop. >> or maybe you should callgermany.
[ laughter ]>> okay. >> hello?is this my sweet barack? barack obama, i miss you.[ laughter ] >> no, it's donald trump.>> ah, gross. hi, donald.are your people still protesting?>> yes, everyone is marching in the street, they're so upset howbad "the apprentice" has gotten. >> thank you so much -->> a very important up and comer, his name is frederickdouglass.
[ laughter ]i'm trying to get hold of him right now, he's very busy, now.>> that is very cool, donald. i actually have to go -->> also i want to be serious for a second.last week it was holocaust remembrance day.as you know, 6 million people were at my inauguration.[ laughter ] there were so many people at myinauguration. the media refuses to cover it,so unfair. one day i'm going to write amemoir about this struggle and
call it "my struggle."[ laughter ] what would that be in german?angela? >> my name is an-gel-la.>> don't correct me, i'm in charge now, germany sucks, yourwall failed, prepare to go to war.[ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]>> that was hilarious. >> thank you, steve, thank you.oh, i just had a great idea, watch this.>> hello? >> hello, congratulations,you've just won a free cruise
for two to hawaii, all you needis your country's credit card number.>> we're not paying for the wall, donald.>> yes, you are. [ laughter ]steve, all of our so-called allies are being somean to me. >> why don't you call somerandom little country, show them who's boss?>> what about zimbabwe? >> perfect.show them the might of america. >> hello?>> zimbabwe, this is the new
sheriff in town.>> wait, is this donald trump? >> yes.>> you think you are dictator? i will rip out your spine!and drink from your skull! you cannot even walk downstairs,you little white bitch! [ cheers and applause ]don't you ever call zimbabwe again![ cheers and applause ] >> okay, donald.that's enough fun for tonight. can i have my desk back?>> yes, of course, mr. president.i'll go sit at my desk, yeah.
[ laughter ][ applause ] >> so much fun, i love it.>> yeah, this is fun. and live from new york, it'ssaturday night!
