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( grunts ) whoa, whoa, whoa. ♪ yeah. nick, nick, nick, nick,nick, nick, nick, nick ♪ ♪ nickelodeon. ♪ ( hip-hop playing ) ♪ mm-hmm ♪ ♪ yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ give it, give it ♪ ♪ yeah, yeah ♪
( scatting ) ♪ whoo, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ it's harriet the spy ♪ ♪ spies look at the eye ♪ ♪ now there she golike looking at ♪ ♪ say why, hi, my, my, my,my, my, my, my ♪ ♪ dig it, dig it, yeah ♪ ♪ there she,there she go, go, go ♪ ♪ there she go now ♪
♪ look at the spy ♪ ♪ hey, watch her, watch her,watch her ♪ ♪ she's a spy, my, my ♪ ♪ dig it, dig it ♪ ♪ oh, yeah ♪ ♪ she's lookin'in your eye, eye ♪ ♪ why? i don't know ♪ ♪ whoa, yeah. ♪ ( chorus scatting )
harriet: boy with ringlets. man with tattoos. girl on... a leash? man, if my parents ever tried putting me in one of those things, i'd trade them in. this kid looks like she can roll over and fetch. i learn everything i can
and i write down everything i see. golly says if i want to be a writer then i'd better start now. which is why i am a spy. lady with a purse. man with... her wallet. oh, help! please!
stop him! ( yelling ) ( chickens clucking ) ♪ quack ♪ ♪ quack, quack ♪ and... done. what is it? it's nanomichi. you know, the godof storm and thunder.
cool, huh? okay, come on, hurry up before it dries. yeah. okay, ready? here, give meyour foot. harriet: the secret tattoo. my best friends sport, janie and i thought we should be blood buddies.
but this was so much less painful. just remember the rule. if anyone seesthe secret tattoo... all:...swift and painful death. ( all gurgling ) ( car horn honks ) ( groans ) it's... starting. here comes...
nice marion hawthorne. it's happening. i can feel it happening. janie:good lord. it's the dreadedhawthorne effect. ( retching ) oh. ( sighs ) good morning, janie, simon...
and harriet. harri...et! i got to get to class. see ya. see you guysin a few. harriet: sixth grade. ( bell ringing ) all the usual suspects are back in action. first of all there's rachel hennessy,
marion's second in command. the only thing more pathetic than being marion hawthorne is wanting to be marion hawthorne. ( both yawning ) pinky whitehead, the human fish belly. if janie's theory is right, then pinky's dna was combined with a pint of vanilla yogurt at birth. carrie andrews thinks she's cool...
( pencil clattering ) 'cause she spent her summer vacation growing boobs. laura peters looks like someone pinched her face and it stuck that way. the boy with purple socks. a man of mystery. he never talks. if i were known only by my footwear, i'd hang myself.
beth ellen hansen always looks like she's about to cry. i wish someone would just kick her and get it over with. ( ellen sighs ) and then of course, there's our teacher-- miss elson. she's nice, and polite. i bet one day she goes on a psycho killing spree, and all her neighbors will say...
"she was nice and polite." well, from what your lasttwo teachers tell me, it looks likedã©jã vu all over again. ( chuckles ) it's time to vote fora sixth grade class president. and for the third yearin a row... we're down to our finaltwo nominees, and they are harriet welsch and marion hawthorne.
and so, as youmay know, the duties of the classpresident include taking attendance,reporting bad behavior and best of all, editingthe sixth grade newspaper. and now we vote. marion hawthorne... again. three years in a row. you know what?i think i'll invent a poison. a really good,
clean, untraceablepoison. one that friesyour brains and makes all your bodilyfluids boil at once. could you? check it out. one day i'd be like,"oh, hi, marion. "oh, no, i'm notfinishing this soda." and she'd be like... ( gagging )
( blubbering ) i'm serious. any of you guyswant to come over? i got to get home. if my amoebas startincubating, they reallystink up the house. sport:harriet? sorry. spy time. spy route.
harrison withers' place. higher altitude, lower risk. but always a show. ( man humming jazz tune ) ( cats meowing ) ♪ yeah, everybody's gonna havesome grease today... ♪ all right, now,jelly roll. yeah. ♪ lady day ♪ ♪ come what may,whatever you say ♪
♪ we all gonna havea good time ♪ ♪ a little bitfor you, satchmo ♪ ♪ you, bessie ♪ ♪ and how 'bout you,jelly roll? ♪ golly says, people who love work love life. ♪ dizzy, dizzy ♪ i like harrison withers, 'cause he's a guy that loves both. ♪ scooby dah... ♪
♪ scooby-dooby, du-day ♪ okay, that's it. curiously, harrison lives for his cats. wow! birdland. but his work is for the birds. ( harrison scatting ) charlie parker. yardbird.
in any case, his cages are the most beautiful i've ever seen. ( humming jazz tune ) ( door buzzer sounding ) ( humming beethoven's "fifth symphony" ) ( whispering ):it's him. the health department has it in for harrison, 'cause they say he's got too many cats. ( cat meowing )
( whispering ):i know, i know. too bad for them, harrison has a system. see a hat, don't be home. no hat, no problem. ( engine starts ) ( relieved sigh ) another score for the cat fan. ( woman gasps ) hey.
want some necklace? how about you, man? ew. you got itall spitty. tastes betterthat way. good. hey, harriet, whatare you writing? notes. can we read them? can you read this?
okay, okay. i just wanted to know why you're alwayswriting like a maniac. i want to remember everything. i want to know everything. well, you mustrealize, harriet, knowing everythingwon't do you a bit of good unless you use it to putbeauty in this world. true or false?
true. of course it is. harriet, your mother called. she's going to be late. come on, sport, janie. i'll have you homebefore dinner. golly always takes us places. she sees things other people barely notice. she's my nanny and... well, she's golly.
okay, surveyof the day. today's question is: what wouldn't you eatfor a million dollars? bratwurst. sport? sport:um... camel boogers,dried roadkill, and my dad'smeatloaf. janie? it's the last day of summer.
harriet:sad but true. au revoir, monsieur soleil. farewell! so long, bye-bye. sayonara! good-bye... we're here. janie:is this a garden? sport:what a place!
what is this? golly, what's that? that's mrs. w.,a very good friend of mine. kind of unusual. golly:you know, there are as many waysto live as there are peoplein this world. and each onedeserves a closer look. mrs. w.:welcome! come on in.
hi. look around. have fun. sport:whoa! awesome! ( clanging and whirring ) ( glissando ) ( clanking ) bop, bop, bop, bop! ( bubbling )
( kids laughing ) singer:♪ do-wat, do-wat, do-wat ♪ ♪ i'm goin'! ♪ harriet:ooh. ( laughter ) ( singer scatting and improvising ) ( cheering ) hey, you guys... what do you sayi propose a toast?
come on. ( kids screaming ) oh... go away. say it quick, beforeit stops fizzing. shake it up, take a sip,and wish for what you want most in the world. okay. i want to replicatemy own dna and winthe nobel peace prize. yeah.
( whooping ) ( laughing ):oh! golly:very good, janie. okay, shake it up,sport. shake it up. i want to playmore baseball games than cal ripkin, jr. oh, yeah! and get filthy richdoing it.
golly:shake it, harriet. i want to see the whole world and i want to write downeverything. janie:harriet, slow down. golly:that's veryimpressive. ( burping ) golly:that's good,harriet. that's very pretty,isn't it, janie? janie:yes, i like it.
got you! ( all groaning ) ( vocalist scatting and improvising ) hey, wait up. ♪ everybody, hello!it sucks, sixth grade! ♪ feet off the bed,please. feet off. golly:oh, the heinie bounce. good choice.
very cute, harriet,very cute. the neighborswill ask me, "what happenedto harriet welsch?" "i don't know,"i'll answer. "such a shame. "she disappearedwithout a trace. and she wasso adorable." how long have you beenwith me, golly? since you were born.
11 years and12,000 tomato sandwiches ago. and you'll never leave me,right? well, i won't leave you"leave you," harriet, but, you know, one dayyou're going to be big enough. and well... well, big enoughto take care of yourself. and whenthat day comes you won't need meand i'll be gone. but you know what? that day is not today.
and now, it's time for bed. are mom and dadtucking me in? no. they're at a very fancy party and i bet they'rethinking about youright now. really. listen, i think i can hear 'em. ( singsongy ):harriet... listen to everythinggolly says to you. we're drinking champagneand eating caviar, harriet.
let's go to bed. who's going to bed? uh, you are, tough guy. ! ow! ow! child abuse!child abuse! oh, you thinkthat's child abuse? you haven't even...how about that? what about that?what about oneof these?
stand still,you little booger. ugh! i'm telling you,just give me the big knife and this will all be over. harriet, dear,you have taken a tomato sandwichto school with you... with mayonnaise. ...with mayonnaiseevery day for that past five years.
don't you wanta little variety? nope. not even cream cheesewith olive? yum-yum-yum! or how about pastrami?roast beef? how about the fancycucumber kind, with the crust cut off? mom, i can't help itif i know what i like. and i know that i like tomato.
after school spy route-- hong fat's food emporium ( whispering ) holy cats, a veggie thief. this must be investigated thoroughly. mr. hong fat:frankie, you took the trucklast week. wasn't that enough? stop walking around. mrs. hong fat.frankie, go dosome homework.
i've done my homework. do some reading. watch tv.do something. grandpa, all i needis the truck. i know you knowthat i mean. ( speaking chinese ) come on, ma,let me have the truck. ( speaks chinese ) i got a date!
what do you take me for? harriet: the hong fats have a son-- frankie. he's cool; american style. his parents are chinese-style cool. frankie likes going out, but they'd rather he work in the store, selling milk and bread and lizards. ( sniffs ) ugh!
( gasps ) mr. welsch:i mean, do i try to interferewith your bookkeeping?! my business is comedy! that's what i do! i'm funny!i'm the funny guy! yes, you are. mr. welsch:they're the money guys. golly:okay, slippery, bath time's over.
come outwith your hands up. but i just got in. oh, sure.i believe that one. let's see your fingers,prune girl. talk to the hand,'cause the face ain't gonna listen. mr. welsch:he asked me to come up with something new,something fresh. you read it.it was good.
yes. it was thefunniest script we've had all year! yes, it was. so whatwas their problem? hey, i want to hear. oh, yeah?i want to sing opera, but i can't, so i don't. that downstairs is... well, your dadhas a high-pressure job.
what's a high-pressure job? it's when you don'tget to do what you want and when you do, you don't have timeto do it. do spies havehigh-pressure jobs? only whenthey're caught. i'm never caught. you're right. you never are.
oh, look,a ugly water bug! ( shrieks ) hey! caught ya. here she is. night. good night. good night. you wantme to tuck you in? golly can do it.
golly:"'the time has come,'the walrus said. harriet:"to talk of many things." "of shoes and shipsand sealing wax." "of cabbages and kings." "and why the seais boiling hot." "and whetherpigs have wings.'" do you haveany wings? let me see. ( laughing )
crap? no, no. this stuff is beyond crap. this is what crap wantsto be when it grows up. listen to this. "a question cornerby marion hawthorne. "horse riding,for those who can afford it "is a very wonderful sport. "every weekend,my father takes me riding and we laugh togetheras we ride."
does she mentionher mom pays for dork lessons? man, once that disintegration rayis complete... bzzt! she's molecular toast. both:oh, yeah. mom and dad's night out. me and golly's night in. hello. what's that smell?
deliciousgerman bratwurst. we hate bratwurst. i love bratwurst. since when? ( doorbell rings ) i'll get it! no. no, no. i will get it. i'll get it!i'll get it!i'll get it! i said i'll get it
and i meani'll get it. i got it! good evening, katherine. the veggie thief. katherine? harriet ann welsch, mr. george waldenstein. how do you do? i've seenhim around.
bet he stole that pineapple. ( opera playing softly ) ( loud slurping ) good soup. harriet, where are your manners? i don't know. maybe somebody stole them. hey, you cheated.
( laughs ) oh, you win. my congratulations. yeah, well, i know some stuff. so, you're a delivery boy? mm-hmm. well, no offense, but, uh,you're like, what, 45? ish.
shouldn't you bea delivery man by now? harriet! well, harriet, i'll tell you. not long ago,i had another life. i had a big business,i had a lot of money, and you know what? i was the mostmiserable man alive. so, one day,i told my wife that... wife?
i told mywife that i wanted to start all overagain and if she wanted to, she could startall over with me. so what happened? oh, she left me, but that'sall right, that was her choice. my choice was to becomea delivery boy-- well, man. i don't have thebusiness, of course. i don't have the money. you know what?
my life is sweet again. hmm. ( sizzling ) the wurst! oh, no! my wurst! no, no! oh... oh, lord. oh, no. no.
don't be sad, katherine. this is a blessingin disguise. harriet:that's a prettygood disguise. don't you see? the three of ushave to go out for dinner. yeah! yes, dinnerand a movie! movie, movie, movie!come on, golly! the idea seemspopular enough.
yes, but thewelschs... will be out. till million o'clock! oh, please, golly. please, oh, please? oh, please, please,please, oh, please. oh, please, please, please. what the heck. this is absurd.
yes! don't speak. wait! wait for me!i'm not dead. are you okay? how comeall the lights are on? where is my child? uh-oh. harriet? harriet,what are you doing in that contraption?
come in here at once. miss golly,what are you doing with my child, at this hour,without my consent? who is that? my name is... shut up! i'm sorry. we only went to dinnerand then a movie. harriet is notyour daughter, miss golly.
she is mine,and you have no idea, none, what it is liketo come home and find that your child is missing. we had no idea that you'd be home this soon. i don't care.i don't carewhat you did or whereyou went or why. all i know is thiscan never happen again. miss golly... you are fired.
what?! no! george:just a moment. this is my fault. please. well, it seemsawfully sudden. actually... maybe it's not. i think you're right,mrs. welsch. it is time for me to go. what?
mrs. welsch:now, look, i admit,i lost it... because, i just...i was frightened. but the thing is, the fact iswe need you, golly. we can't do it alone. mr. welsch:we all spokeout of turn, i think. none of this is causing... mrs. welsch:absolutely not. absolutely, no. i mean, i think we weretalking about...
our feelings out there. you were afraidand-and-and now what we shouldbe focusing on, right? is-is harriet. mrs. welsch:look, i'm sorry. i lost my headout there. look. there. no, no. i was just...
but you can't go--i mean, we need you. harriet would neverstand for it. please, won'tyou reconsider? golly:you know, it's not about what happenedoutside tonight. it really isn't. mrs. welsch:but golly... golly:i just-- no, i think it's time.i really do. harriet can take care of herselfnow, so she should.
but harriet's just... she's just alittle girl. you know,it's the right thing. it's the right thingfor all of us-- for me, for youand for harriet. are you sure? yeah, i am. "'the time has come,"the walrus said," "to talk ofmany things...
"of shoes and shipsand sealing wax..." "of cabbages and kings... "and why the seais boiling hot... ( voice breaking ):and whether pigshave wings." where yougoing to go? well, i don'treally know. i'm thinkingi may travel. are you going to go besome other kid's nanny now? and love them more than you?
never. remember, in my life,in this world there will alwaysonly be one harriet. so get back to work--you've lost nearly an entire dayon your notebook. it doesn't matter. it doesn't matter? did i hear you say"it doesn't matter"? because i thought i heard you say
"it doesn't matter," but harriet wouldn't say that,would she? now come on-- just becauseyou're on your own, doesn't mean the worldstops turning, or that there areno more fascinating people to observe and fillyour notebooks with. that's your job,harriet. that's your jobfor life.
and when you'reall grown up and you sellyour first novel, i'll be first in lineat that bookstore, getting my autographed copy. i hope. i'm not going to cry. ( sniffles ) i'm not goingto cry. ah, it's okay to cry.
but whatever you do,don't laugh. no, harriet, i will not toleratelaughter as ileave, no. hey... come here. you remember-- a good spy canget in there and fight. ( sniffling ) good-bye, harriet the spy.
i was kind of worried, you know? i kind of thought, "well,there's something wrong with me or something," and so... narrator:growing up from girl to woman, there's so much to get used to. this is the time when a wholenew set of feelings unfold. feelings about yourselfand your maturing body... everything's the same as when golly was here. it looks the same...
it smells the same... but there's this tiny hole inside me that wasn't there before. it's like... like a splinter in your finger... ( wind blowing ) only this one's right above my stomach. are you okay? uh-huh.
something's... different. ( pigeons cooing ) no cats? how can harrison withersnot have a billion cats around? they finally nailed him. ( meowing ) i will always remember that face. that's the face you makewhen you really lose something. ( radiator hissing )
uh-oh, frankie took the truck. ( arguing in chinese ) speak english! oh, okay, you want usto speak english, huh?! well, you are a jerk, huh? i tell you, "don'ttake the truck. you smash the truck." well, you tell me now, mr. wise guy,was one date worth it?
...we have peoplehere shopping! ( grandpa grunts ) hey, all right,grandpa. it's cool, right? it wasn't a big deal, huh? i knew you'dunderstand, right? ( grunting ) ( all yelling ) sometimes i think families everywhere
are exactly the same. frankie:everybodyget back to work. mom, dad, please?grandpa! just calm down. man:too exciting. $6.75. you got it or not? hey, sport. how you doing?
um, i saw you drop this outside. thanks. i got to go. ( chalk squeaks, class groans ) now it's time for our annualsixth grade holiday pageant. so... pageant ideas-- who would liketo make a suggestion? simon. pirates.
good dramatic potential,if not exactly seasonal. anyone else? how 'bout the manhattan project? i can be j. robert oppenheimer and with the right chemicals, i know i can doa mushroom cloud. that's impressive, janie. but i believe there'sa taste issue involved. ballet.
pilgrims. musical. swan lake. ( kids clamoring ) girl:jazz. vlad the impaler. boy:yeah, that's cool! i think the most excellent ideafor a pageant would bea giant holiday feast.
something healthy, low in fat,and very delicious, of course. there could be partsfor everybody. uh, grains, vegetables and best of all,a shiny, silver centerpiece. miss elson:that's a very goodidea, marion. you could play the barf bag. harriet:she made me an onion. tell me about it. "you, my dear,are a great big squash."
i'd like to squash her. i've got something better.come here. smell this. what is that? you like it? wait, i mean you hate it. it's like something crawledup my nose and then died. excellent. it's a sulfur-basedalkaloid.
i want it to chemicallyfuse with combustibles. and, in english,that would mean... stink bomb. we tape it to theschool air ducts, attach it to a timer, and five minutes beforethe school play starts... ( imitates explosion ) empty auditorium. ( knocking )
hey... ( laughs ) what are you girls doing? nothing. are you getting readyfor your big stage debut? actually,mrs. gibbs, janie and i were just talkingabout the school play. right, janie? yeah, we're reallylooking forward to it. ( chuckling )
good, good. that's good. janie, what is thissupposed to be? no, mom. don't touch it. ( pops ) ( screams ) what?! janie!
it's an experiment with mold. oh... janie! that's where my veronica'scloset bra went to, huh? you know,i'm sick to death of this mad scientist baloney. look at this.look at this. girl,we got to talk. i don't know what i'mgoing to do with you, but we're goingto talk.
some of janie's experiments really creep me out. i wonder if she'll grow up to be a billion-iq genius, or a total nutcase. ( up-tempo rock music plays ) ( sport clucking, man laughing ) man:sport, sport... ( laughing hysterically ) ( clucking, laughing ) ( cracking )
chicken man. man:do it again, do it again. ( clucking ) ( creaking ) ( weakly ):sport. sport... sport! help me. hey, harriet.
all right, come on. how does it look? uh...give me the mousse. no, no... don't worry, it's justone of dad's nightmares. i mean day-mares. he says it happensto all great writers before they get their big break. hmm, a real writer.
( mumbling ) my dad calls guyslike your dad"a starving artist." who's starving? i cook, i clean,i do the dishes and the books. what do you mean,do the books? these are the books. every week i get a check. i write the amountdown in here, i pay the bills and thenwhatever's left is food money.
i hate money. you'd like it a lot moreif you didn't have any. i got to get to work. hey, sport? no! don't. yeah, yeah, come on. strike a pose. ( dogs barking ) spy route: brand-new stalk.
home of agatha k. plummer, a big private house with big-type security. until today. a spy must choose ingenious tricks, must blend into her surroundings. hiya, freckles. must live with being called... "freckles." ( truck door slides open ) ( man speaking indistinctly )
here we go,in you go. here he is. maid:so, here's thelittle monster. bye. wave to the man. are you happy? oh, score! ( growling ) ( whispering ):quiet. quiet, puppy dog. go away!
( yipping ) don't, don't, don't.go away. ( tap at door ) pee-wee, don't make mecome in there. away. ( barking ) pee-wee... get away from thatdumbwaiter. shut up.
stupid fuzzball. i ought to shave you downand teach you to hunt. ( cables creaking ) ( rumbling ) ( pee-wee whimpers and snuffles ) maid:shut up! ( woman laughing ) agatha k. plummer:no, no. no, darling.
if you want to talk aboutsomething delicious... ...i have something delicious. i have thesecret of life. yes, darling. you simply crawl into your bed, and you never, everleave it again. never...
ah, sweet liberace. ( agatha purrs ) what was that? i have no idea. then why don't you go over there and get an idea? and if it's that rat... kill it! oh, mrs. plummer,
i'm sure it's absolutely nothing. ( both screaming ) ( all screaming ) oh, well... a good spy never gets caught. a good spy never gets caught. i am the suckiest spy on earth. ( giggling )
hey, harriet,check this out. "this year's winterpageant promises "to be truly inspiring,as miss elson's "sixth grade classpresents a holiday feast, "starring a turkey,vegetables, "and a grand finale of delicious,dancing... gravy." oh, my god. i'd like to see her split a turkey suit
with butt-breathpinky whitehead. hurry up. you're so slow. come on, you guys. harriet, you wantto go play in the park? or do you have to do thattop secret spy deal again? no. i can play. you can? yeah, come on.
no way. i still say we play"buy the volvo." that's stupid. no way! you guys, i canbe the dealer. you guys can be thecouples looking for a sassyyet affordablefamily vehicle. get real. yeah, right.
okay, i've got it:hide and seek. all:no. hide and seek? i am set. that's retarded. red rover, red rover. no! that's akid's game. i don't think so.
( all talking at once ) kick the can. kick... what about spin the bottle? all:ew! i got it. bumper tag. see, now,that's a good idea. eenie-meenie,miney-mo,
catch a tigerby the toe. if he hollers,let him go. my mom said to pickthe very best one, and you are it. away, you foolish mortals! beth's it! ( latin jazz playing ) ( screaming )
( squeals ) you run fast, but now i shall destroy you. ( roars ) janie:oh. you winded? me, too. ( slight groan ) upsey-daisy.
time to move. where's my notebook? your what? my notebook! boy... wait, wait.no, wait. carrie... carrie. carrie, carrie, carrie. andrews.
get this. get... okay. "carrie andrews thinksshe's so cool "'cause she spenther summer vacation growing boobs." come on, readsome more. hold on,hold on. "now, the boy withthe purple socks is a man of mystery." all:mystery!
marion:hold on, youguys, you guys. listen, listen,listen. "the only thingmore pathetic "than beingmarion hawthorne, is wanting to bemarion hawthorne." oh, rachel. rachel. she is... jealous.
she's jealous. it's pure jealousy. you give thatback now! looks like there's somethingin here for everyone. you heard her, marion. give it back before i pound youinto the cement. ooh, i'm so scared. hey, maybe thereis something in here for you.
girl:janie... ( chanting ):janie, janie, janie... come and get it. read it. come on. what does it say? janie,janie. "janie reallycreeps me out." ooh. "i wonder ifshe'll growup to be...
a total nutcase..."? boy:a nutcase! her best friend. that's herbest friend. beth. "i wishsomeone would kick beth ellen." oh! uh, laura. "laura peters--her face looks totally...
pinched." girls:oh. "if i were the boywith the purple socks... i'd hang myself." somethingelse. cut it out, marion. maybe thereis something inhere for sport. "sport... " fine, then.
i'll read itright out loud so everybodycan hear. "sport is so poor,he can't even afford food. "why can'this father just geta real job?" ( girl gasps ) oh, and getthis, as well. "one day, i hadto pretend hedropped a dollar just so he couldafford somemilk and bread."
marion:ooh, harsh. oh, oh, oh. that's mean. sport, i... i-i got to go. it-it's spaghetti night. i got to make spaghetti. i can't stay here anymore. marion:harriet...
sit over there till we decidewhat to do with you next. boy:wait. what's this? marion:"i learneverything i can "and i write downeverything i see. "golly says if iwant to be a writer, "then i'd betterstart now, "which is why all:i'm a spy." ( all laughing )
my position is bad. my position is terrible. my position could not be worse. golly would know what to do. ( knock at door ) mrs. welsch:harriet? harriet, are you all right? fine. do you wantanything?
you sure? ole golly, ole golly,ole golly, ole golly,ole golly, ole golly, ole golly, ole golly. harriet? i said i'm fine. really.
( excited, indistinct conversation ) ( zapping ) lookit. ( muffled laughter ) ( conversation fades ) janie. you hear something? girl:plug this inover there. girl 2:over there?
girl:um, well,that one's closer. ( whispering ):carrie? carrie? oh, my... ( whispering ):sport? sport, catch. ( quiet giggling ) girl ( whispering ):let me see. children:♪ we love our teacher,and our best friend ♪ ♪ we'll stay together ♪ ♪ until the end ♪
♪ we're moving up... ♪ ♪ ...and together,we'll always have fun ♪ ♪ we love our teacher,and our best friend ♪ ♪ we're one for all,and all for one ♪ ♪ and together,we'll always have fun... ♪ ( bell rings ) harriet:i will always have a notebook. only golly understands this. i will write down everything, and i'll know everything.
and i'll take everything i know, and write my memoirs, and be a huge, big, celebrity, and go on all the talk shows and tell them marion hawthorne smells. and... won't that rock? ( kids groaning ) what smells? eww!
did something die? get away. marion:where's your notebook,harriet? i don't know, marion. have you lookedup your butt? you all better stopbeing mean to me, or else, i'm going to... or else, what? girl:yeah, what are yougonna do about it?
i'm gonna getyou real bad. i'm gonna... no, that's where you'rewrong, harriet the spy. we're gonna getyou so bad... and you know why? 'cause we have a plan. all:yeah! ( aggressive rock theme plays ) ♪ ♪
( all groaning and shouting ) ( car alarm sounds ) marion:i don't like giving orderstwice, you know. i told you to nail itto the side, not to the right. all:one, two, three, heave! sport:i need more nails. marion:harder, harder. hold it, hold it. a club for catching spies?
i'm doomed. "if golly said choose between being a spy "and having friends... i'd pick spy." maybe you're not allowed to have both." ( clanging and shouting ) get her! spy-catchers are everywhere. my route is ruined.
no one can stand in my way. forget thatmy heart sank when i saw you standing therewith that policeman. this is yourmother talking. but when i ask youfor some kind of explanation, it's like... it's not that big a deal. oh, no-- wrong. being brought homeby the cops
is a very big deal,harriet. cop. cop. one guy. that's it. no, that's notit; we've spokenwith miss elson. you rememberschool? and she tells usthat you've done zero schoolwork in days. all you do is playwith your notebook. it's not play, it's work.
school is yourwork, harriet. yeah, well, she can shut up,'cause i'm learning tons. oh, yes? well, not about history, huh? not about geography. not even english. i swear, if it'snot in your notebook, it's as if you don'twant to know about it. so what?
harriet... this... obsessionyou've developed is not entirelyhealthy. now, we've madea decision. and-and we, uh... we want youto stop with the notebook. s-stop writing? mr. welsch:not forever, justas an experiment.
harriet, the world is filledwith so many things a person like yourselfcould enjoy. well, that's right. and you're going tofind that, sometimes just experiencingthem can be enough. that's how i experience things--with my notebook. no. let's see youexperience things without your unhealthyobsessions, huh? every day you come home,and pour yourself a big martini.
how come you don't give that up? and how many daysgo by without you goingto a stupid party? or buying some other pieceof crappy jewelry-- like, two? don't take thattone with us,young lady. we're your parents.we make the rulesin this house. now, hand overthe notebook. i threw it away. you're sitting on it.
i'm not moving. if you makeme move you, i will move you. i'll just get another one. oh? miss elsonwill be checking. ( stomping ) don't you wantto talk about this? miss elson:harriet... did we forget?
notebook check. ( kids giggling ) dweeb! ( kids snickering ) ( laughter continues ) ( kid laughs ) ( whispers ):hey... ( whispered chanting ):harriet the spy,harriet the spy... ( whispered chant ):harriet the spy,harriet the spy...
oops! i'm sorry! you did thaton purpose! it was an accident,i swear. here, let me help you. no! get away! that's it, work together, and we'll have harrietcleaned up in no time.
don't worry, harriet, we'll all help you. no, stop it. i don't need your help. you all get away! ( gasping ) wait! whoa... well, that wasn'tvery dignified.
( water running ) ( indistinct whispering ) ( laughing continues ) ( panting ) ( dramatically ):"to be... or not to be... "that is the question. ( moans ) wait. is that a question?
( kids chuckling ) "whether 'tis noblerin the mind to suffer "the slings and arrows "of outrageous fortune "or to take arms "against a sea of terribles "and by optioning, end them? "to die... i want to die.
"to sleep no more "and by a sleep to say "we end the heart-chat "and the thousandnags of shock... "the flesh "is here, too... ( scraping ) "'tis a consummation "development to be wished
to die... to sleep no more." narrator:there are many signs that tomis changing from a boy to a man. tom is getting a deeper voice and sometimes it gives hima little trouble. don't be insulting my ( squeaks )( clears throat ) friend. man:this is an actual photographof vocal chords taken through a special instrument. the chords vibratewhen the person breathes out.
the larynx is hereat the top of the windpipe and is the housingfor the vocal cords. ( distant laughter ) boy:bra on a pole!bra on a pole! ( kids shouting ) oh, no. ( hissing ) ( laughing, shouting ) hello, marion.
get away fromme, harriet. or what, you gonnatell your father? i heard my parents talking. you don't have a father. all those stories abouthorseback riding are garbage. you made them all up. your father lives in amsterdam. he hasn't seen youin three years. and you want to know why,marion?
'cause hedoesn't love you. move. ( door opening ) ( muffled crying ) ( whimpering ) mr. welsch:harriet, come down here. harriet,what's happened to you? we've gotten callsfrom every parent at school. mrs. welsch:they're all eitherfurious or terrified.
marion hawthornecan't stop crying. laura peters has locked herselfin the bathroom and won't come out. the only parentswe haven't heard fromare pinky whitehead's. ( phone ringing ) i'm notanswering that. mr. welsch:i always hated school myself. no, now, see,that's the problem. what? i know...
something is verywrong here, ben and you need to takethis seriously. i am! no, come on. i'm just asserious as... you know whatyou're doing. you're coming inand teasing... no, i'm not. we have a reallybad situation.
we don't know what thesituation is at all. you always come inand make jokes and then i have to come in do we know whatthe situation is? and be the grumpy one. maybe we should findout what it is. ( arguing and phone ringing ) ( repeating ):i'm fine, i'm fine... ( both talking at once )
i'm fine,i'm fine... ( intensifying ):i'm fine, i'm fine, i'm fine... ( screaming ):i'm fine...! no, sweetheart. i can't understandhow this is fine. harriet, uh, uh,can you explain this? well, what do we do now? we can do anything you like. what am i supposed to do?
how about a game? do you play chess? golly was going to teach me,but... golly? who's he? just somebody. ( clattering ) you sit here and playwith this stuff all day? don't you have toys at home?
but i'm 11. you stink. what are you doing? just taking notes. are they the mean, nasty kind...or the regular kind? why? because... ( hits robot's head )
i'm just telling you, it's tough getting awaywith the nasty kind these days. thanks for the advice. nobody ever takes your notebook away from you,i bet. tell you what. how about i giveyou a notebook. would you like that? yeah. sure.
this guy's not bad. definitely one of those people golly says deserves a closer look. at least he knows the value of a good notebook. doctor:harriet? hmm? it's time to go. can i keep the notebook? i'll have to talkto your parents about that.
( bell tolling ) well, what did he say? what did he say? well, he says that, uh,you're fine. and, uh, you're a wonderful girland very smart and you'll bea terrific writer some day. i could've told you that. i didn't read it. you know, harriet,
uh, someday-- when you grow up--you might have children. doubt it. well, not tomorrow, or soon, but some day. maybe. and, if you do, you're going to try really hardto understand them. but i keep telling you... i know, you told meabout the notebook.
and even thoughyou're telling me, and even thoughi'm listening, i still don'tunderstand it, harriet. is that why youtook it away? we made a mistake. don't do itagain, okay? we try. mom? yeah?
will you tuck me in? sure. there we go. ( kissing ) mr. welsch:green. harriet:g-r-e-e-n. aren't you going to workon your notebook today? yeah. pick a number. seven.
one, two, three, four,five, six, seven. all right. "turn around." that's not a fortune. turn around. golly:turn around. golly! why, harriet the spy, i believe you've growna full inch.
nuh-uh. you certainlyhave grown. oh, golly! so whatdo i do now, golly? "beauty is truth,truth beauty. "that is allye know on earth and all ye needto know." john keats. what is thatsupposed to mean?
it means you'vegot trouble. you wrote down thetruth in your notebook, and your friends, who weren'tsupposed to see it, did. now there are only twothings for you to do, and you're not going tolike either one of them. like what? well, you have to apologizeand you have to lie. but you said never to lie. i know, i did.
let me see howi can explain this. sometimes a little lie thatmakes people feel better isn't really wrong. you know, like,you can thank someone for a meal they cooked you,even if you hated it. you could tell a sick friendthat they look better, even if they don't. sometimes a really small liecan be a really big help. they tried to squash melike a bug.
it's too hard. it's not worth it. aw, never saythat, harriet. you're worth it. you're an individual,and you know something? that makes people nervous. and it's going to keep makingpeople nervous your whole life. my whole life? yep.
what do i do? you stay true to harrietand you accept the cost. now, come on. that's enough lessonsfor today, okay? you're 11. i think it's time for youto start writing something other than notes. you'll think of something. can't you come backfor just a little while?
oh, no, i never go back.only forward. and you know what else? good friends are oneof life's blessings. don't give them upwithout a fight. ( door closing ) janie:replicate. replicate. stupid spores. harriet:hi, janie.
( glass breaking ) look what you made me do. this stuff is going to eat right through the floor. three months of incubationdown the porcelain pee hole. if you roll the rug over it,it won't show so much. oh, so next time youcan ruin the rug? then why are you here? i just want to say that...
forget it. i'm sorry, janie, okay? will you takea look at this. huh? huh? what do you think of yourold man now, sport? 10,000 smackaroos. no more payingwith change. no more, no morespaghetti. going to feel like steak.
and you know those fancybasketball sneakers with the, with thebuckles and the velcro and the crapall over them? their yours,buddy boy, all yours. hello? murray. hey, hey,i take it all back. all agentsaren't useless. oh, i'm kidding you,i'm kidding you, man.
you know i was alwaysin your corner. oh, yeah, i knewyou'd come through. well, sport and iare gonna do a littlecelebrating today... sold his book? got a real job. hey, harriet, youhear the good news? you're a writer. so how's it feel?
oh, big sliceof heaven, side orderof fries. say, you hungry? i feel like goingto the fanciest, schmanciestrestaurant in town. we'll abusethe waiter. who's with me?harriet? she can't come. what do you mean,she can't come?
you haven'teven asked her. i said she can't come. you can't be my friendif you're not my friend. i'm sorry, sport. harriet: no one will forgive me. things will never be the same. i have nothing left to lose. paige:someone told methe only reason you guys play with me isbecause of my mom's cake.
well, it is very good cake. yeah, but how comewe get these piecesand you get those? we told you,we're officers. and we need our strength. you get to fix the clubhouse. somebody's dreaming. i am so bored. if you don't like it,you can leave. hey, you're right.
wait up. janie:anybody sick oflistening to her ought to get a life. marion:okay, but youcan't come back! we're voting!it's official! ( indistinct conversation ) shh! teacher!there she is. good morning. today, we are...
yes, harriet? miss elson,i've been thinking a lot, and you know how class president automatically gets to be editorof the sixth grade newspaper? well, i think... i think that it'stoo much for one person and that it's not fairto everybody because everybodydeserves a chance. and...
and we should change it. objection! this isn't a courtroom, marion. i like that idea,harriet. let's see what the class thinks. marion:miss elson,i think i speak for everyone when i say this is, this is a really,really stupid idea. that is one opinion.
but let's takea vote. marion is now editorof the guidepost. would anyone like to nominateanother candidate? well, i guess if no onehas anything to say... i have something to say. i think that harriet'sa very good writer and... if we only listento one person's opinion we may neverget anywhere new. but harriet might havesomething very original
and i'd like to readwhat she has to write. miss elson:is there a second? i second it. i third it. okay, then. harriet welsch is nowa candidate for editor. who votes for harriet? that... is that. ( straining )
i am on a mission to be a great writer. a good friend once told me that all great writers try to see everything. okay, here goes: i knew this guy once. he used to be a bajillionaire. now he rides a bike. want to know the freaky part? he says the bike's better.
please write in if you think he's lying. there's a difference between looking at stuff and really seeing it. look who's here. give them some bread, huh? here you are. to really see, you've got to get a closer look. why, thank you.
so much. a cabbage. george:carrots in herefor you. and a sausage. i've noticed that, sometimes, stuff you think is broken forever is actually totally fixable. but some stuff is supposed to fall apart. speaking of which,
certain high ranking officials of a certain secret club had better de-dorkify themselves in a hurry... or else everybody's going back to where they were in the first place. this reporter believes that de-dorkification is a difficult, but not impossible, process. mostly, you've got to want to be cured.
but i'm pretty sure it's a two steps forward, one step back kind of deal. in theater news, miss elson's sixth grade holiday pageant was the theatrical controversy of the season. some were happy to see it, and who am i to argue? ( classical music playing ) others say... it stunk. ( yawning )
this reporter has no comment. and, hey, stupid school board, give miss elson a raise, would you? she's not so bad as teachers go. and she puts up with a lot. ( applause ) there's evidence to suggest that janie gibbs will grow up to bethe world's greatest scientist. so far, she has shown amazing progress in the areas
of mold manipulation and chemical combustibles. we have also learned that sport's father is rolling in dough from his latest book, which just goes to show,if you stick to what you love-- and work like a dog-- you will succeed. for those of you who don't know, a retraction is when a newspaper takes something back. this newspaper would like to retract certain statements in a certain notebook
which may have hurt certain people's feelings. they were lies. and those that weren't lies... ( clears throat ) were mean. like, just because a person's father is far away does not mean he doesn't love you. anyway, don't think about it. the truth is important,
but so are your friends. and if you can have them both, then it's a good life. until next issue, i remain your faithful correspondent, harriet m. welsch. ( funk music playing ) ♪ get up offa that thing ♪ ♪ and dance tillyou feel better ♪ ♪ and dance till you...sing it now ♪ ♪ just try to releasethat pressure ♪
♪ and shake tillyou feel better ♪ ♪ and shake... say it now ♪ ♪ try to release that pressure ♪ ♪ get up off... ♪ ( trumpet playing ) ♪ huh ♪ ♪ good god ♪ ♪ so good ♪ ♪ uhh ♪
♪ everybody ready? ♪ ♪ follow me ♪ ♪ and shake till you...say it now ♪ ♪ and shake till you...sing it now ♪ ♪ ooh... so good ♪ ( applause and cheering ) ♪ huh! ♪ whoo-hoo! eew, a stink bomb!
( groaning ) ♪ dance till you feel better ♪ ♪ wait a minute ♪ ♪ funky ♪ ♪ i need it. ♪ ( song ends ) ( up-beat spy music playing ) ♪ a crack in the door ♪ ♪ a slit in the vines ♪
♪ a hole in the fence ♪ ♪ so easy to find ♪ ♪ people doing people things ♪ ♪ whatever that might be ♪ ♪ they go onabout their business ♪ ♪ too wrapped up to see ♪ ♪ in the shadows ♪ ♪ my unblinking eye ♪ ♪ i love...the secretive life ♪
( instrumental break ) ♪ i hide in the park,behind a bush ♪ ♪ i see runners and skaters ♪ ♪ and a half naked manshowing off his tattoos ♪ ♪ and i see old mr. grayin his bad toupee ♪ ♪ with some dumb girlabout half his age ♪ ♪ people doing people things ♪ ♪ definitely not his wife ♪ ♪ are calling out to me ♪
♪ all their grandand foolish schemes ♪ ♪ it's better than tv ♪ ♪ they're so funny,i could almost cry ♪ ♪ there's johnny's dadon his third martini ♪ ♪ and his noseis getting bigger ♪ ♪ as i watch him throughthe kitchen window ♪ ♪ they really oughtaclose those blinds ♪ ♪ and under my coat,i got a microrecorder ♪ ♪ a pad, and a pencil,and a picture of you ♪
♪ i can't believe you did that ♪ ♪ i see two love birdswalking by ♪ ♪ with that sick and dreamylook in their eye ♪ ♪ and there's a big fat copwith a magnum mustache ♪ ♪ trying so hard to look mean ♪ ♪ the secretive life ♪ captioning sponsored byparamount pictures captioned bymedia access group at wgbhaccess.wgbh.org
